You know, I'm completely comfortable in myself. It's how others see me that I don't like.
I fit within my head. There's no room for anyone else to get in there.
My soul's too big for my body, but that happens with a lot of folk. Not that anyone else notices.
I'm sorry, but I can't be exactly who you think I am. You guys see bits and pieces of me, but never the entire picture.
It doesn't matter that much of me is misted, that even I can't tell exactly which bits of me are where. What matters is that I'm all here, every scarred, caring, unnatural piece.
But no one will ever know that, because I barely have room for me within this body, let alone a whole other person. I may be schizotypal but I'm not schizofrenic.
So, where does this leave my heart, the one piece of me that never seems to run out of room? I care for others far too much, far too easily. I suppose I'm just a big softie in some ways.
They'll never be able to fit me the way my heart can fit them. For how can they know me when all they know is a tiny piece of the bigger picture? One that stretches for centuries, beyond even my recollection.
Heck, sometimes I don't know myself! I don't know why I do this or that, how this piece of history affects that piece of future .
I just want....someone who understands, fully and without reservations. Someone lacking prejudice, who doesn't care what I am or are or will be. Someone who is a lost part of me.
You know how people talk about soul mates? That one specific person who is meant for you and only you. Well, people like that don't exist. There's only those people who have a bit of your soul, through some cosmic mishap. We all long for our souls to be whole. But, how do you get your soul back when another has it? By staying near that soul shard as much as possible. Thus, attraction and need blooms.
Yes, I know it's negative. But I still want my soul shard from whomever has it, be it man or woman, fish or fowl. That will be the person for me.
The only part of me that's empty is my heart. Strange, isn't it? That the one thing I have the most of, that we all crave -- love -- is the one that's become my addiction.
Somedat I'll find that person who owns my shred of soul. Until then I'll be here, whole in mind and body, unknown in spirit, endlessly trying to fill the void in my heart.

Today I feel like a puppet.
I've been lolling about in my computer chair like a mannequin with it's strings cut.
Then, responsibility lashes new string to my limbs, rope and wire and soft, giving neccesity.
Maybe someday I'll be able to reattach my own strings, and go where I want to again.


I've been pulled this way and that all day by responsibilities. I've got the responsibility of school, for which I needed to pack my backback and prepare a list of foods for my lunches. School starts tomorrow, and while I'm excited for it, I'm regretting that I didn't do more during my summer. I really am like a broken puppet. Or maybe a scratched record. I can only repeat the same activities again and again and again, with no motivation to change, or do the things I should/want to be doing. But, maybe I need that constant tugging to get me to do anything productive. I certainly haven't been very good at it on my own.

Another responsibility is my anime club. I'm the leader of the one at my high school, and this is the first year I'll be managing it almost completely on my own. So, I've been frantically planning what I'm going to do this year, and thinking of new ideas to spice things up (our anime club suffers from a lack of new things).
Right now, I'm working on an opinion survey so I can get the general opinion of the club, and from there include more activities that they like.
I'm hoping to entice more members in, as well as some open-minded niners (it's like finding hot pink needles in a haystack - they stick out). I'll also have to work out how to keep them all there once they've joined; the pattern of our club the past few years is we get the new members, but they leave or get scared away by Christmas.

I've also had to unpack from my family's week-long trip camping. It was very fun (the camping, I mean), but the laundry and hassle that results sucks. I've been carting laundry up and down stairs all day, hanging it up to dry, taking it down to fold, sorting it, putting it away - ugh, it sucks. Neccessary, but it still sucks.
I've now got some time to myself, thank the powers that be. I'll probably use it to attempt, once again, to get more done on my novel. Now there's a hopeless cause. I'm horrendous at reliable writing. I can't just sit down and turn on the creativity, but I'm going to keep trying. How else will I get the bloody thing done by the end of highschool??

Well, I've taken up enough of your time. Until the next time I get the itch to post about my life, ciao!
    - Lhene

Alright, so I'm not very good at the whole, "Hi, I'm so-and-so, and I like to do this, that, and, the other thing." It's not really my style.  Instead, I'm just going to post a poem I wrote about myself last year. It's a sort of self-portrait with words.
Enjoy.

I am...

I am the song wind

The fall wind

The changing wind

I am the wise moon

The smile moon

The waxing moon

I am the dance stream

The laugh stream

The glacial stream

I am the wild fire

The dark fire

The seeing fire

I am the bloom tree

The life tree

The growing tree

I am the singing sparrow.

I am the dancing wave.

I am the laughing moonlight.

I am...

Me.



("I am..." was written by me, for the enjoyment of myself and others. Please do not take my work and claim it as your own. If you wish to use it in some way, please ask me first.)